It Is YOUR Journey Now
The adventure you are about to embark on is going to be very exciting and liberating. The landscape before you is pathless - beautiful, vast, and full of wonder and mystery. This is YOUR journey now; and the path you take from here is the path YOU forge at YOUR own pace. Yes, there will be challenges and struggles ahead, but be encouraged: the next leg of your journey is a path of healing - a path of discovering and unearthing the ultimate treasure: YOUR SELF.
SIDE NOTE: What I am about to share with you are things that I learned along the way, that I wish I would have known at the beginning. These thoughts are not intended to be a roadmap or a step-by-step instruction for moving forward - they are not in any particular order. This is YOUR journey, and these are simply encouragements I want to give you as you forge YOUR path.
SIDE NOTE: What I am about to share with you are things that I learned along the way, that I wish I would have known at the beginning. These thoughts are not intended to be a roadmap or a step-by-step instruction for moving forward - they are not in any particular order. This is YOUR journey, and these are simply encouragements I want to give you as you forge YOUR path.
Defining Spirituality
The meaning of spirituality continues to develop and expand over time. Each of us approach it in our own personal way. Some abandon the term altogether because of its religious connotation, while others develop a personal meaning for the word. If you are not quite sure what spirituality means to you at this point in your journey, that’s okay. I would encourage you to put it on the back burner and let it simmer for a while. You may be surprised at how naturally and organically its personal meaning will begin to take shape on your journey ahead.
Processing What Happened to You
After exiting a toxic/high-control religious environment, you’re going to eventually want to make sense of it all - what happened, the damage that was done, and how to move forward. If you’re anything like me, you’ll want to figure it all out now so you can get on with life; however, I have learned that processing what happened to me is PART of the journey - not the first step. And the answers will reveal themselves as wonderful and beautiful “aha moments” along the way.
Move When You Are Ready
There is no rush, no hurry, no sense of urgency to move forward, figure things out, and get on with your life. If you want to rest and camp here for a while, there is nothing wrong with that. Do it. Enjoy the view. When you’re ready to move, move.
Remember Your Body
Most, if not all of us, who have left toxic/high-control religion have dysregulated nervous systems due to the varying degrees of trauma we experienced within, and on our way out of, our religious environment; we have a lot of emotional energy and survival stress stored in the body. What shows up in our cognition is symptomatic of what is happening in our nervous system. Your religion may have taught you to feel unsafe in your body, that it is innately evil, cannot be trusted, and is in opposition to everything spiritual and sacred. I encourage you to recognize that painful narrative as being a lie and invite your body back into being a part of your holistic journey of healing and discovery. Acknowledge what happened in your body. Work with your nervous system directly. Reconnect with your body and the felt sense of who you are. When we start to work with the body, things start happening on a cognitive level - we start to naturally move into a different way of thinking, we start to naturally embody a different way of living.
Give Yourself Space to Rest
Take some time to rest. You’ve had a helluva journey up to this point. You’ve overcome so much. You’ve been brave. You’ve been courageous. You’ve sacrificed a lot. You’re a survivor. Now… take some time to rest a little bit. This may be challenging for some of us, as echoes from our religious past may try to shame us into believing we’re being lazy, selfish, and procrastinating; however, there is another voice within, the voice of your true and beautiful self, calling you to rest.
Give Yourself Space to Be Angry
If your life and spirituality was compromised by toxic religion, it is okay to be pissed and it is important that you give yourself plenty of time and space to fully process your anger. Anger is a normal and healthy emotion. Do not suppress it. Find healthy ways to express it, such as screaming into a pillow, punching the pillow, and throwing the pillow across the room. Shake your fists at the heavens and cuss out the clouds. Give yourself space to lean into it, process it, and explore it. Oftimes, anger is the gatekeeper to deeper emotions such as sadness and hurt. Let it out.
Give Yourself Space to Grieve
Several years after leaving my church/ministry/religion, I realized that I had never taken the time to mourn my losses. I was so consumed with processing other deep emotions, such as anger, frustration, confusion, and hurt, that I inadvertently tucked away the grief I was experiencing for those things I had cherished, loved, and lost:
- There was a paradigm shift in my relationship to the god of my religion. I lost all the benefits of that relationship that I had always leaned upon for guidance, strength, and hope. In many ways, the god of my religion that I had known and loved… was dead. Gone.
- As a pastor, I lost my job and my identity. For so long I was a Christian, I was a pastor. That was my identity, who I was, who everyone knew me as. It was all I had ever known - and now it’s dead. Gone.
- There was also the loss community, including the individual friendships I lost, when those I loved within that community turned their backs on me when I left. The fellowship and safety of a community, the love and support of friends… dead. Gone.
Find a Space for Ventilation and Validation
You are not alone, and you do not have to take your journey alone. If you desire company on this journey, I encourage you to find a trauma-informed Spiritual Director/Companion. Spiritual direction / companionship is the ancient practice of being with someone as they navigate their unique spiritual journey. They are a supportive presence, a listening ear, an open mind. They create a safe space for ventilation and validation, a safe space for you to freely explore your spiritual landscape and to tell your sacred story. As a trauma-informed Spiritual Companion who has been on a similar journey, I thank you for considering me and would be honored to join you on yours.
